


Together or not at all

by monsterslut13



Series: The Hawk, the Cat and the Wolf [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I Don't Even Know, If I forgot any other tags my bad, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Minor Character Death, Multi, Unplanned Pregnancy, i needed angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 04:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17481026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monsterslut13/pseuds/monsterslut13
Summary: Emery Hawke is tired. Ever since the Blight destroyed Lothering, her life has been one thing after the other. She's lost Bethany, then Carver and eventually her mother...deaths that were her fault. Then came Corypheus and she couldn't even kill him properly. Resigned to living life in hiding, a letter from Varric had the mage stealing off into the night, ready and willing to fix her mistakes.She should have been left in the Fade, instead the Inquisitor chose Stroud...another Emery was powerless to save. Their return from Adamant doesn't feel like a victory, it's bitter and sour and tastes like bile. When she returns to her room, Emery is greeted by two very pissed off lovers but everything she wanted to say fails to come out.Emery Hawke is tired, but Fenris and Anders have this habit of making her want to live...





	Together or not at all

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno how this happened...it started off as angsty smut and than just turned into angsty fluff?
> 
> I love Fenris...I adore the broody elf, but then I romanced Anders and it was all over. I have no beta so sorry if I missed any mistakes
> 
> I do not own Dragon Age...I'm just building in it's sandpit.

 

Emery Hawke was tired.

 

It started ten years ago in Lothering, Bethany died trying to fight an ogre in some kind of stupid attempt to prove herself. Emery took the blame and soldiered on, leading the ragtag bunch of survivors through the mountains in order to get to Kirkwall. It wasn't the first painful death that she'd had to deal with but it was the first Emery copped the blame for, and it wouldn't be the last. 

 

She trudged up the stairs through Skyhold Fortress, every inch of her body ached, from the hair on her head to her little toes. The events of Adamant playing on her mind...Stroud...a Grey Warden Emery counted as a friend, was gone, killed by a Nightmare demon after being left in the Fade. Inquisitor Elhana Lavellan had been faced with the worst possible decision ever and eventually he chose Stroud. Emery of course had volunteered to stay behind, Corypheus was  _ her _ fault, there was no question about it, she wanted to make it right. For a moment there, Emery felt like she was finally going to get to rest. 

 

The Maker wasn't that kind. 

 

The mage stripped her armor off, leaving it where it fell, someone would come and pick it up or Emery would collect it tomorrow. Right now she couldn't give a flying fuck about cleaning up after herself, she just wanted to sleep...for the next fifteen years if possible. Emery missed her lovers. Fenris would scoff at her stupidity, hating the fact that she wanted to give up  _ so easily _ . Anders would remind her of  _ every _ good thing she'd ever done, reminding her how brilliant she was. She didn't deserve them, sneaking off in the middle of the night after getting Varric's letter was  _ not _ how lovers acted. Her piss poor excuse of leaving them a letter was pathetic. 

 

Elhana extended the invitation to Emery to stay at Skyhold as long as she wanted to. With the Grey Wardens now leaderless, the former Champion of Kirkwall volunteered to take then to Weisshaupt so they could make up for their sins. The decision was made only hours after coming out of the Fade. It was taking her further and further away from Fenris and Anders...away from arms that made her feel safe and loved. Her boys…

 

Everyone was down at the Herald's Rest celebrating their win and mourning their losses. Emery didn't want to sit there and listen to stories of glory, it left a bad taste in her mouth. All she needed was a bath and her coveted nap. When her chest plate fell to the ground with a thud, Emery kicked open her door and nearly tripped over the damn thing but she managed to keep her footing. Darkness enveloped her, the click of the door closing behind her echoing into the void, Emery sent a ball of fire to the fire place, lighting the room up. 

 

The first thing the mage noticed was Fenris leaning up against the stone wall by the window, he looked about as pleased as a rabid wolf with that beautiful scowl on his face. Anders looked far more concerned and considerably more travel-worn than the elf did. “Emery Marian Hawke what the fuck were you thinking?!” Fenris demanded to know, straightening up. 

 

Oh the full name. Damn. “How are you here?” Emery's voice was broken, cracked and trembling as she struggled to keep back the sheer  _ intensity _ of her emotions she was struggling with. The mage practically sunk in on herself and forced her body to keep standing. She knew the answer though before she even got it. Varric Tethras. So that's what he meant by  _ I'm sorry Hawke _ . That bloody little sneak thief...how she loved him. “Never mind. I think I know how.” Emery wanted to run into their arms, hug them and whisper all kinds of promises in their ears, but she held her ground. 

 

“Em, that looks awful.” Anders fell into the role of healer too easily, it was his way of burying the pain that he felt. He crossed the room to check the deep gash in her cheek, the result of a tangle with a desire demon in the Fade. “Does the Inquisition not have healers or are they neglectful hacks?!” His eyes flared dangerously, Justice peaking just beneath the surface. “What the bloody hell were you thinking sneaking off in the middle of the night to go to war?!” Okay so it was Anders that was going to do the yelling. “Do you have any idea what that did to us?”  He was angry, but his eyes were a mixture of sad relief. 

 

Emery opened her mouth to speak but one glance from Fenris shut her up. “After Kirkwall and the Chantry, we made a promise to each other! A promise to stay together no matter what! And you, Emery, broke that so damn easily. You were there for me with Danarius and for Anders when he needed it...you  _ rebelled _ against the Chantry and helped start a war for him but you ran away without asking for our opinions the second someone sends you a letter.” 

 

She wanted to scream at him, there was nothing easy about what she did. Getting Varric's letter and agonizing over it for days wasn't easy. Emery felt the familiar embrace of Anders magic wash over her, pulling the cut back together whilst simultaneously pulling everything apart. Her legs gave out from under her as a strangle sob escaped her. She tried to speak but harsh cries had replaced her ability to speak, and suddenly Emery found herself in arms she hadn't felt for months.  _ I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please forgive me _ .  _ I couldn't lose you both...I couldn't take you with me. _

 

“Em where did you go?” Fenris whispered, his voice too close to her ears. “Where did you go that we couldn't follow? Varric said…Varric said you were heading back to Skyhold from Adamant but...what happened?” Silently he picked her up, taking note of how dull her normally vibrant red curls were, and carried her to the bed. She weighed practically nothing, her clothes underneath the armor had gotten loser. 

 

“The Fade,” Emery confessed. “We went to the Fade...six went in...five came out. We lost Stroud, he stayed behind to buy us time.” She found herself lying comfortably between her mage and her warrior, both unwilling to let her go, and all that served to do was hurt even more. “I tangled with a desire demon...it...tried to get into my head by using you both.” Tears rolled absently down her face, leaving track marks through dirt that she  _ needed  _ to get off. “I couldn’t take you with me...not with Corypheus trying to lead a demon army through blood magic and Grey Wardens.” Emery was so sound in her reasoning but in her head it sounded ridiculous. 

 

Fenris was right. Since the Chantry explosion in Kirkwall, they’d always stuck together, whether is be slaughtering slavers or spending weeks in backwater villages healing the sick. They had made a promise to say what was on their minds, to speak the truth, that was the only way that their relationship would work with the three of them. 

 

“You went to the Fade?” Anders questioned incredulously. He almost sounded like he didn’t believe her but like everyone else, he’d heard the stories of the Herald of Andraste walking out of the Fade like it was nothing. “What was it like?” 

 

Emery closed her eyes and shook her head. “I can’t...not now…” she whispered, her slender fingers clinging to Fenris’s tunic tightly. The fear that he would disappear foremost in her mind. 

 

“Have you eaten anything today?” Anders asked. The turn in conversation was sudden but welcome. “As much as you don’t like it, you need to eat something before you go to sleep. You’re far too tense Em. You don’t wanna talk about it, that’s fine but...we’re here for you.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her head, sighing when she relaxed into him. Anders looked over her hair, looking eyes with Fenris, the elf was still angry, but like him, Fenris was relieved that Emery was back where she belonged. 

 

“That still doesn’t mean we’re not going to discuss this Emery,” Fenris added. Waking up to find her gone had been one of the worst moments of his life, all manner of horrible thoughts went through his mind before the two of them found the letter. The most haunting part of that had been the  _ goodbye _ at the end of the letter. It was resounding, final...it told him that Emery knew there was the possibility that she wouldn’t be coming back. “Together...or not at all,” he breathed into her ear before untangling himself from her arms. “You two stay here, I’ll go and find some food. There are people here that would very much like to get their mitts on Anders which might cause a problem.”

 

“Might?” Anders snorted. “As if you’d let them.”

 

“And there’s the problem,” he pointed out. “Help Emery into some clean clothes, I’ll be back.” 

 

Anders shook Emery a little to get her to focus enough so he could dress her. It was nowhere near the level of fear he’d felt when he watched her face the Arishok but it was right up there. He brushed her hair from her face, “there's a pitcher with water, I'm going to heat up the water and we'll clean you up before getting some clean clothes on you.” 

 

This was embarrassing, not having to have help bathing and moving around after the fight with the Arishok level embarrassing, but still bad enough. Emery nodded. She had no energy to argue with Anders on this. “You and Fen...you're too good to me.” 

 

“You're always looking out for everyone else, Em. Let us look after you.” His smile was sad as he tucked her hair behind her ears. He'd never looked so timid and frightened in his life. “There's something I needed to ask you before Fenris gets back, given how hectic these last weeks have been, I understand if you didn't know but...Em, you're pregnant.” Anders watched Emery's eyes grow wide in shock and surprise, he considered himself fairly able to tell when his lover was lying...this was not one of those situations. Emery was shocked, genuinely shocked. “You didn't know…” 

 

Emery burst into tears and buried her face in Anders shoulder. She didn't know, she  _ hadn _ 't known and she almost killed them both. Emery Hawke had almost thrown her own life away and the life of a child still growing inside her. The mage wrapped his arms around her and stayed sitting on the bed until Fenris came back with a plate of food and a bottle of wine in hand. “Varric,” he answered the silent question. “He said he'd be up in the morning for a visit. It won't be long until some people start to suspect you're here Anders.” 

 

Andres shrugged nonchalantly. “That's not my biggest concern right now.” He pressed a kiss to Emery's head, she was almost asleep but she needed to clean up and eat. “Help me with her.” 

 

Between the three of them, Emery managed to clean up and found herself wearing one of Fenris’s shirts. She picked at her food as her lovers discussed the Inquisition, her mind mulling over the fact that she was  _ pregnant _ . Shit, motherfucking shit. Fenris was going to be  _ furious  _ when he found out...Anders believed her but...Fenris was certainly more the angrier of the two when it came to the subject of Emery putting herself in danger. 

 

Maker she felt sick. 

 

The colour drained from Emery’s face and her stomach rebelled. 

 

“Em?” Fenris’s question cut through the fog and said so much with just a single word. 

 

Emery launched off the bed and just made it to the empty pitcher to throw up. 

 

Anders knelt beside her as Fenris held back her hair, the two of them comforting her in their silence. “It’s not your fault,” the mage whispered in her ear. “Nothing. I know what you’re thinking Em and it’s not your fault. You’re always so damn noble, my fiery champion. We’re here now, and we’re not leaving. You know that.” He knew her well enough now to know exactly what she was thinking. She was so ready to sacrifice her life for the greater good but knowing that it wasn’t just her anymore...it was tearing her up inside. 

 

Emery sank back into Fenris, she wanted to melt into him and in her rational mind she knew there was no way she’d be able to do it. “Fen...please don’t be mad at me but...Anders, he said...I’m pregnant,” she blurted out.

 

The silence in the room was deafening. 

 

“What did you just say?” Fenris could have sworn that Emery had just said she was pregnant. “ _ You were trying to get yourself killed when you were pregnant?! _ ” he hissed, the Lyrium markings on his skin flaring in anger. Knowing that Emery was pregnant changed everything, consuming him with an overwhelming desire to protect them even with her being able to handle her own.

 

Anders shook his head. “She didn’t know Fen, when I asked...you know Em can’t lie for shit. She didn’t know.” He kissed her forehead and moved over to Fenris, practically sandwiching Emery between them. “ _ Fenris, she didn’t know _ .” Anders kissed him lightly, his lips ghosting against him tasting wine on his breath.

 

The elf’s hands moved down Emery’s torso to rest protectively against her still flat stomach. He breathed in the familiar scent of wild flowers and freshly cut grass. The idea that he could have lost her was bad enough but...knowing that they’d nearly lost both of them...that was too painful to contemplate. “No more Em...no more running off, no more leaving us behind...let us come with you.  _ Together or not at all _ .” 

 

Emery nodded slowly. “Together or not at all.” She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly, the last ten years had been both the worst and the best of her life. So much was lost and so much had been gained. Bethany was gone, Carver died in the Deep Roads, their mother was dead...deaths that were all her fault. Certain authorities in Kirkwall wanted her head for protecting Anders and siding with the mages...her people. “Can...we go to bed?”

 

Emery Hawke was tired, but she was safe, protected in the arms of her lovers. There was a fresh start on the horizon...and tomorrow was just another day. 


End file.
